by: Catherine Banton
There is a clear advantage in knowing and understanding your child better. It puts you in the best position to help them achieve their full potential. This is something all parents dream about but are somehow not sure how to do. While there is no one-size-fits-all parenting manual, there are a few tools that you can use to get an insight into your child’s personality. One of them is DISC personality profiling.
DISC is a behavioural assessment tool developed by psychologist William Moulton Marston. It analyses an individual’s behavioural patterns and creates a unique personality profile. It takes into account how a person communicates and acts based on their inherent personality (nature) and their upbringing (nurture). The goal of the assessment is to gain a better understanding of the individual and to unlock his true potential within their environment. DISC is used in a wide range of contexts including leadership training, hiring personnel, team building, career counselling, conflict resolution and even to create stronger family bonds among others. It is one of the most widely used personality profile systems in the world today.
There are four main personality dimensions in DISC which are shown as a quadrant:
Dominance – Describes the way you deal with problems, assert yourself and control situations.
Influence –Describes the way you deal with people, the way you communicate and relate to others.
Steadiness – Describes your temperament – patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness
Compliance/Conscientiousness – Describes how you approach and organize your activity, procedures and responsibilities.
Taking the DISC test is quick and easy. You answer a series of questions which will reveal your unique personality profile. Detailed DISC tests can be had for a reasonable fee while a more basic and less detailed test can be had online for free. If you or your child have not yet taken the DISC profile test, you can take one HERE for free.
If your child is still too young to understand the questions accurately, you can answer the questionnaires on their behalf keeping their preferences in mind – not the idealized version you have of them. The results will show how your child responds to conflict, what motivates them, what causes them stress and how they solve problems. Knowing your child’s DISC profile – their characteristic traits and possible weaknesses – will help you communicate and connect with them better. This will forge a more meaningful bond and a stronger relationship between you and your child.
In some countries, the government supports educational efforts like DISC for parents. Take Singapore for example. Ministry of Education schools under the Family Matters@School Programme of the Ministry of Social and Family Development can opt to run DISC workshops for parents and their children. The goal is to help parents reconnect with their children in a more meaningful way and to put them in a better position to help them succeed.
What are the parenting applications of DISC? You can tailor your parenting efforts in a way that would be most productive and beneficial to you, your child, your family and the way you run your household. How do you connect and motivate your child according to their personality type?
If your child is a high D (Dominance)
Your child would probably be competitive, direct, decisive, determined, goal-oriented, problem solver, risk-taker and a self-starter.
On the flip side, his weaknesses would probably be that he is impatient, oversteps authority, attempts too much at once, attacks first, is stubborn, blunt and tactless.
Connect to your child by using brief commands and talking straight to the point.
You can motivate him by doing activities together and setting clear goals with a reward for completing tasks. Allow him to exercise control and choices. Set firm boundaries to avoid power struggles. Teach him how to accept loses and develop empathy. Most of all, affirm his abilities.
If your child is a high I (Influence)
Your child will probably be enthusiastic, trusting, optimistic, persuasive, talkative, spontaneous and a people person.
On the flip side, his weaknesses would probably be that he talks too much, can be unrealistic, tend to daydream, inattentive to detail, can overuse gestures and facial expressions, listen only when it’s convenient, is emotional and impulsive.
You can connect to your child by engaging him in conversation, listening and giving lots of affection, hugs and kisses.
Motivate your child by planning for fun times and activities. Keep in mind that he cannot focus for long, so give breaks in between tasks. Guide him to think through details. Encourage him not to follow the crowd at certain instances. You have to accept the messiness in the way he does things. Do not forget to affirm his personal traits and be generous with your compliments.
If your child is a high S (Steadiness)
Your child will probably be a good listener and a team player. He is steady, stable, predictable, understanding, friendly, helpful, agreeable, soft-hearted and easy going.
On the flip-side, he probably resists change, lacks enthusiasm, is indecisive, can hold a grudge, is sensitive, has difficulty establishing priorities, is easily manipulated, possessive and smothering.
Connect to your child by being patient when talking to him. Give him space to open up. Allow him to cry if he is feeling scared, do not reprimand. Avoid being domineering or demanding, he will withdraw.
You can motivate your child by keeping his environment as stable as possible. Give him advance notice and explanation of upcoming changes. Realize that your child can be passive. Avoid comparisons, ridicule or reprimand. Give him lots of encouragement and assurance. Always give clear explanations and give him enough time to understand. Guide him in making decisions. Affirm his contributions, efforts and never forget to encourage.
If your child is a high C (Compliance / Conscientiousness)
Your child will probably be an accurate, analytical, conscientious, careful fact-finder; is precise, systematic, has high standards and strives for excellence.
On the flip-side, his possible weaknesses would probably be the need for clear-cut boundaries, procedures & methods. He could be weighed down with too many details. He would prefer not to verbalize feelings and will give in rather than argue. He can be a nitpicking, fault-finding perfectionist. He may worry too much, be judgmental, critical and easily hurt by criticism.
Connect with your child by allowing him to share only when he is ready. Do not force him if he doesn’t want to. Give him time to think, do not rush. Explain yourself clearly if you disagree with him. Since he can get worried so easily for fear of not doing well, show him unconditional acceptance.
Motivate your child by giving him enough time to do quality work. Give clear instructions and rituals to follow. Since he can be a perfectionist, teach him to develop a tolerance for imperfection. Make sure to keep your promises and follow through the commitments you made. Give him space to think and share. Give him affirmation with clear examples without over-praising.
Understanding your child’s DISC Personality Profile can help you communicate better, reduce conflict and develop teamwork. It puts you in a position to guide your child towards becoming the wonderful individual that they are supposed to be in the future.
This may be a lot to take in at one go but keep in mind: Parenting is a wonderful, unique, life-long journey that you have embarked on. Take time and effort to get to know your little one, soon to be the pillar of society, who walks beside you.